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The Bachelor finale celebrated a toxic myth about how romance should work

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The Bachelor, ABC’s long-running dating reality show, had quite an eventful 23rd season, featuring a highly anticipated fence jump, an outsize fixation on virginity, and an unprecedented twist in its finale.

Typically, the bachelor chooses between two final contestants in what usually culminates in a dramatic marriage proposal. But this season, bachelor Colton Underwood opted to dismiss the two women who remained on the show during the last episode so he could pursue a third woman who had already rejected him.

Underwood was seemingly so enamored of Cassie Randolph — a contestant who had exited the show in the second-to-last week of the season — that he went rogue and literally jumped a fence surrounding the Bachelor set after she broke up with him. “I’m not gonna stop fighting for you,” he declared before her departure.

His actions appeared to send producers into a panic as they combed part of the Portuguese neighborhood near The Bachelor’s production headquarters in search of him. The quest to track him down was only slightly fraught, though as Vulture’s Kathryn VanArendonk points out, “The truest horror-movie twist buried at the center of this Bachelor season is that it’s really scary when a man goes into a rage, stalks off into the night, and voices his intent to chase after a woman who’s already dumped him.”

Underwood ultimately emerged from the spectacle as determined as ever to pursue Randolph, a sentiment he expressed in an interview with Bachelor host Chris Harrison the next day.

“What if the bottom line is she’s just not that into you?” Harrison asked, a possibility that Underwood wrote off quickly. “I feel like I can read people pretty well and I think she loves me and I think she’s scared to admit that,” he said. “I feel like Cassie completes me right now.”

Randolph was one of only three women remaining on the show when she decided to leave after telling Underwood that she wasn’t sure if she was prepared for the kind of commitment he wanted. (For those unfamiliar with the show’s premise, The Bachelor starts each season with 30 possible contenders, and the group gets whittled down week by week until there’s just one person left.) After processing the shock of their breakup, Underwood eventually decided he needed to say goodbye to the two women still left on the show, in order to win Randolph back.

“I hope she’s not at peace with her decision, because I’m not,” Underwood said in a testimonial.

The Bachelor’s finale highlighted a clear discrepancy in the way Underwood and Randolph seemed to feel about one another

The only problem? Randolph really, really didn’t seem to reciprocate his enthusiasm. As viewers saw in Tuesday night’s season finale, Randolph was nearly speechless when Underwood showed up at her door and informed her that he had ended his relationships with the two women who were left on the show when she departed.

“I know that there were other girls here and something told me that they were further along than I … they were ready for something that you wanted,” she said, alluding to the marriage proposal and subsequent engagement that often caps off each season of The Bachelor. “I didn’t know if I would get there and I didn’t know if I did get there if it would be real … and I just wanted to be sure. They could give you that and I couldn’t and I wanted you to have that.”

The stark contrast in their initial feelings — at least as edited by The Bachelor — was so evident that it spawned dozens of memes.

Randolph had said throughout the season that she didn’t know if she and Underwood were on the same page when it came to the level of commitment he was looking for, and highlighted their different relationship desires as a key reason for her departure. After she broke up with him, she said on the show that she was just excited to be heading back home.

Underwood, meanwhile, claimed to be so love in with Randolph that he just couldn’t accept her rejection — and declared that he would win her over by repeatedly reiterating and “showing” her how he felt.

First, he tracked down where contestants were staying in Portugal and pleaded with her to reconsider dating him, downplaying the concerns she had. When she worried that he might “resent” her for not being on the same page as he was, he said that dealing with these kinds of differences was a normal part of the “compromise” and “sacrifice” involved in a romantic relationship.

He also repeatedly explained that he was confident he could persuade her to love him.

“I wanted you to see how much I’m willing to give up and give to us,” he said to Randolph at one point, adding later, in a testimonial to the camera, “If things go well, Cassie could be in love with me by the end of next week.” Ultimately, in the face of skepticism from his own parents, who he visited during a trip to Spain as part of the show, he appeared to convince her.

“More than ever, I feel how much Colton loves me and I think I’m starting to kind of accept it and it made me excited about the kind of relationship we could have,” Randolph said in a voiceover aired during the finale. (The two have since given numerous media interviews highlighting the strength of their relationship.)

The idea of a man pursuing a woman who once rejected him rests on a familiar rom-com trope: that of the “chase”

If Underwood’s approach feels familiar, that’s because it is.

Immortalized by countless romantic comedies, the idea behind this approach simply involves a man wearing a woman down, despite her protests or expressions of disinterest, until she ultimately decides she’s open to a relationship. It’s one of the most troubling tropes in films like Say Anything, both because of how much it undermines a woman’s voice and agency, and because it often winds up indirectly endorsing negative behaviors like stalking.

It’s also a myth that operates on a set of longstanding and gendered assumptions. As Megan Garber explained in a 2016 piece at the Atlantic:

Many [rom-coms] assume a fundamental passivity on the part of women, and, relatedly, a fundamental assertiveness on the part of men. For any romantic coupling at all to take place, they argue implicitly—and, indeed, for the human species to have any hope of propagating itself—men must exert themselves, and women must gratefully accept them. Before Mars and Venus can fall in love, many rom-coms assume, Mars must first make Venus do the falling.

This framing, one that the show applied to Underwood’s behavior, centers heavily on the idea that a woman’s disinterest or confusion is simply part of the “chase,” and that with enough persistence, she can ultimately be won over with sufficient affection and romance.

What it doesn’t consider, however, is whether the woman in question is interested in being pursued at all.

Granted, the nature of The Bachelor — a highly edited reality TV program — means there’s a lot we don’t know about how things actually went down between Underwood and Randolph. Everyone involved might have been presented in a skewed light, or been swayed by the show’s producers. We can’t say for certain. But currently, despite all the back and forth, Underwood and Randolph now appear quite happily coupled in the wake of the finale.

“I thought I made the right decision in leaving,” Randolph told People magazine. “But Colton fought for me. And he has shown me what a healthy relationship looks like.” Randolph also said in the interview that she was originally worried that she wouldn’t meet Underwood’s expectations for the kind of relationship he wanted when he left The Bachelor, and that was what initially prompted her to break up with him.

Her explanation makes a lot of sense: There are plenty of confusing emotions to navigate in any relationship, let alone one that’s unfolding on national television in front of millions of viewers, and plenty of people change their minds all the time.

That said, the idea that men need to go after women, simply because they know what’s right for them — better than the women know themselves — sends the wrong message to pretty much everyone.

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16 Striking Photos That Can Touch Your Heart

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Photos keep our memories safe and every time we look at them we can immerse ourselves in the moments that have been captured in them. They can also help us to understand what’s really important in this world. And it doesn’t matter whether these photos are from your personal album or belong to somebody else. Their messages, feelings, and emotions can be perceived in one glance.

Here at Bright Side, we believe that the following photos will really touch your heart.

This couple has battled leukemia for 15 years since they were children. Now they’re husband and wife.

This fireman gave a cat that got hurt in a fire mouth-to-mouth resuscitation and saved it.

“My dad, who has dementia, trying to remember my name”

His owner passed away but the dog continues to sit near his bed and wait.

This is what depression looks like over 24 hours.

Have you ever seen a blind dog enjoying the sounds of a lake?

An Iranian girl cheers for her favorite football team from behind the fence since Iranian women aren’t allowed into stadiums.

“My mom painted dementia.”

When all you have is memories:

The 3 social classes in The Philippines in one photo

“My buddy, a glass blowing artist, used my dad’s ashes to make a keepsake marble I can take with me anywhere.”

“She gave me the best 11 years of her life and I can only hope that I was able to do the same thing for her.”

“A year ago, my little sister left this world. This weekend her heart recipient met my mom and shared her heart beat.”

“The moment your dog comes out of the fire you thought he died in”

“3 months ago we were told our newborn was blind. 2 weeks ago we found out the doctors were wrong. Today, she got her glasses.”

“I’m just so proud of you!”

Today my daughter graduated from pre-K. After the ceremony, my son walked up to her and gave her a hug. “I’m just so proud of you,” he said. Then, of course, my daughter started crying. As we wiped away our tears, my husband asked her, “Pumpkin, why are you crying?” She responded, “I’m just so happy.”

Each photo has its own story. Which of them touched you the most?

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Komünist Başkan, Aldığı Kararla Sosyal Medyada Trend Topic Oldu

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Mehmet Fatih Maçoğlu’nun belediye başkanı olduğu Tunceli Belediyesi Meclisi, ‘Tunceli’ yazan belediye tabelasının ‘Dersim’ olarak değiştirilmesine karar verdi. Bu karar sonrası Maçoğlu, sosyal medyada Trend Topic oldu.

Tunceli Belediye Başkanı TKP’li Fatih Mehmet Maçoğlu başkanlığında belediye meclis üyeleri toplantısında alınan kararla Tunceli Belediyesi tabelasının ‘Dersim Belediyesi’ olarak değiştirilmesi kararı alındı. Karar tartışma yaratırken ‘DersimdeğilTunceli’ etiketi sosyal medyada Trend Topic oldu.

BELEDİYEDEN AÇIKLAMA YAPILDI

Belediyeden yapılan açıklamada Dersim ibaresiyle birlikte Zazaca ve Türkçe beleriye hizmetleri verileceği duyuruldu. Açıklamada şöyle denildi: “Kentimizin kültürü, tarihi ve inanç biçimini yaşatmak adına belediyemiz hizmet binasında bulunan tabelada yazılı ‘Tunceli’ ibaresinin değiştirilerek yerine ‘Dersim’ ibaresinin yazılması oy çokluğuyla kabul edildi. Haber

https://www.haberler.com/komunist-baskan-aldigi-kararla-sosyal-medyada-12077127-haberi/

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15 Random People Who Look So Much Like Celebrities, You May Want to Take a Photo With Them

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It’s not an easy goal to meet a real celebrity in our everyday life. Sometimes they are too busy with their activities or simply prefer to avoid public places. But when you see one right in front of you, don’t be too quick to jump over the moon and ask for a photo. Try to check their IDs first, because we are ready to show you that there are too many ordinary people who look just like stars and who probably wouldn’t miss a chance to pose and giggle afterward.

We at Bright Side compared photos of celebrities to their clones to demonstrate that this isn’t a joke. IDs first, photos after.

15. Kylie Jenner and Kristen Hancher, but which is which?

14. “My dad actually does Jack Nicholson lookalike work in Hollywood as a hobby.”

13. Breaking news! It seems Kim Kardashian has cloned herself.

12. “This fella lives in my house. I think James Franco and he follow each other on Instagram.”

11. “My sister always gets asked if she’s Julia Stiles.”

10. Nope, those aren’t just 2 pictures of Steve Buscemi!

9. Here’s chance for those who are upset that Michael Fassbender is married.

8. We’re just interested to see if Meghan Trainor’s double has the same talents.

7. We know this is pretty unexpected for Taylor Lautner, but we can’t unsee it.

6. This girl claims that she gets compared to Katy Perry daily.

5. When Chuck Norris is on vacation.

4. “Never mind, I’ll find someone like Adele.”

3. If Cobie Smulders doesn’t want to shoot How I Met Your Mother 10, there’s a perfect replacement out there.

2. Wait, so you’re saying that isn’t Zooey Deschanel on the right?

1. Even Zach Galifianakis and Jonah Hill can see this resemblance.

Do you have any friends who look exactly like movie stars? Show us their photos!

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