Family ties are believed to be the strongest bonds that you can have in your life. Whether yours is family by blood or family by choice, you hope they always make you feel loved and you never expect to get hurt. However, some family members can become too toxic and that’s when breaking bonds with relatives might become appropriate.
Today, Bright Side would like to share with you 9 situations where breaking ties with toxic relatives is totally okay.
They gossip about you.
Our families are supposed to be people with whom we can share our most intimate secrets when looking for a piece of sound advice or simply sharing our joys. However, if your family members spread the secret information you give them further, run away from them or at least learn to keep your mouth zipped. Keep in mind that not only is it your secrets that should be kept inside the family, but also, those relevant events from your life that you share with your inner circle — no one has the right to carry the details of your personal life outside the place you call home.
They judge you.
Healthy criticism is a good thing. It helps us to look at ourselves from another side and understand the mistakes we are making. And very often, these are family members that help us become better. However, if the criticism that they radiate repeats often and if it has an aggressive tinge and destroys your self- esteem, it’s high time you terminated these toxic people from your life.
They turn to you only when they need something.
A toxic family member appears on the horizon of your life when there is something they can benefit from or gain from you. Once the task is complete, they will quickly disappear from your life until the next lucky chance they get to use your kindness. Do you know what happens when you need their help? You’ll hear tons of pretexts about why they can’t do things (if you can manage to even get in touch with them at all).
They manipulate you.
Healthy relationships are those where you feel free and happy. If you keep feeling guilty, stressed, and judged, perhaps you don’t need those relationships at all? Manipulators will do anything to keep control over you, your life, and your attention, no matter what they have to do. When simple tricks stop working, they will start using heavy artillery that can damage both your mental and physical health.
They make you feel helpless.
This type of manipulating techniques is called gaslighting. People using it tend to make their victims feel unskilled and incompetent. They keep raising complexes within you, as well as question your sanity and sober-mindedness whenever you are about to make another important decision. If you feel like this is something that happens often when communicating with your family members, go ahead and cut the ties. Your mind and your psychological health will be grateful to you in the end.
They try to control your life.
This reason is very close to manipulation, with one exception — in this situation, it’s their power that plays the main role. Oftentimes, dominant family members get so used to everyone listening to them without any objection that any attempt to go against their will is faced with aggression. Sometimes it can even rise up to the level of bullying.
They make you feel exhausted.
There are people out there in the world who have a unique knack for making their interlocutors feel exhausted after communicating with them. And sometimes those people can be members of your own family. If you feel a lack of energy every time you talk to this person, if you feel like you’re talking to a wall, if you feel like your tolerance is waning, phase this member out of your life. Your mental health will thank you for this.
They keep reminding you of your past.
In other words, they keep rewriting narratives about your younger life, which you might want to keep a secret. Sometimes, reminding a person about their past can be pretty painful, but those family members who keep doing it even after you asked them not to, should be left in the past too.
They stress you out completely.
If the relationship with your loved ones stresses you out and creates chaos in both your mind and in your soul, when all you can talk about after interacting with your family member is how tired you are, then it’s high time you thought about eliminating them from your life (or at least communicating less).
How good are your relationships with your close family? Are you considering cutting ties with any of them? We would be glad to hear from you in the comments!
Illustrated by Daniil Shubin for BrightSide.me
7 Hidden Messages in “Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland” That Weren’t Meant for Kids
Lewis Carroll’s tale Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland had an amazing influence on cinema, literature, and even psychology: movies and ballets were based on it, sequels and remakes were written. There is even a psychological disorder named after the main character: Alice in Wonderland Syndrome (AWS). This seemingly innocent children’s story was the subject of heated discussions by scientists of the 20th century and even Freud talked about it. The point of the discussions was simple: was the tale written for children or for adults?
Bright Side has read the book “Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland Decoded” and tried to figure out which parts of the story can only be understood by adults.
1. Alice’s shrinking and growing is a sign of puberty.
When Alice ate a cake or drank a certain mixture, Alice would shrink or grow, and she was scared that she would disappear completely. While there were no actual reasons for the changes in her body in the text, scientists have 3 versions of what could have been the hidden meaning behind that episode:
- Alice’s body changes in a similar way to how it would change as a teenager during puberty. Many people think that Carroll showed the puberty of the character. But why this idea may also be wrong is because Alice is only 7 years old and it is too young to be a teenager.
- Astronomers link the character with the expanding Universe. According to one of the theories, the amount of matter in the Universe is constantly decreasing which will ultimately lead to its disappearance. Obviously, this is why the character was worried about shrinking so much that she would vanish.
- Other people see an indication of hallucinogenic substances, which make people completely disoriented, just like Alice.
2. The pig the character has is an English King.
It is believed that the tale is an allusion to the War of the Roses that took place in England in the 15th century. This time period was full of scheming, betrayal, and there were a lot of chopped heads — just like in the tale.
Assuming the guess is correct, then baby that turned into the pig is a member of the White Rose. And more specifically, it was Richard III who had a sigil with a white boar. Shakespeare even wrote a play about it where he presented Richard in a very bad light.
3. The smell of pepper in the house of the Duchess hides the smell of bad food.
The tale casually mentions that the house of the Duchess smells a lot like pepper because the scullery was adding pepper to the soup. But it may have been a hint at the problem that the food at the time was peppered a lot, to kill the smell of rotten ingredients.
4. Alice is Eve, who becomes a sinner.
The adventures of Alice starts in a quiet garden. It was an idyllic place, green and quiet, and that’s why it reminds many people the Garden of Eden. But Alice doesn’t take an apple, she goes down the rabbit hole and goes into a world that gives rise to incredible changes in her. This theory seems to be pretty logical: children are innocent but when Alice went into the hole (took the apple), she entered the world of puberty, adult life, and became a sinner.
5. Keys, doors, and caterpillars are Freudian symbols.
When Freudian theories became very popular around the world, the tale of Alice turned out to be full of gynecological symbols. The fans of Freud managed to see the symbols in the doors that were hidden behind the curtains, and keys that open these doors. Of course, they couldn’t have missed Absolem — the giant caterpillar that looks like a you know what.
Even though this theory has life, it is not very believable, because people can see these symbols everywhere if they really want to.
6. Walrus and Carpenter are actually Buddha and Jesus.
This is the name of the poem that the twin brothers Tweedledee and Tweedledum read to Alice. The poem tells the story about Walrus and Carpenter, that walk on the beach and call out for oysters to walk with them. The oysters go to the shore and Walrus and Carpenter eat them. Walrus then cries at the end.
There are several interpretations:
- Walrus is a caricature of Buddha, and Carpenter is Jesus. For example, the character Loki from Dogma believes this. The logic is simple: Walrus is fat and happy, so he is Buddha or elephant Ganesha, and Carpenter is the direct reference to the profession of the father of Jesus.
- J. Priestly is convinced that the poem is the story of England’s (Walrus) colonization of America (Carpenter).
- There is a more violent interpretation. Some people believe that Walrus and Carpenter are politicians that kill the masses — the oysters.
7. The poem about the White Rabbit in chapter 12 uncovers the love mystery of Carroll himself.
Some researchers see the reference to the unusual connection between Lewis Carroll and Alice Liddell that was the prototype of the main character. Here are the lines we are talking about:
He sent them word I had not gone
(We know it to be true):
If she should push the matter on,
What would become of you?
This is one of the most sensitive moments in the interpretation of the tale. Some people think that when the girl was supposed to come of age, the writer was going to marry her, but for some reason he had an argument with Mrs. Liddell and he never saw the members of the family since.
Do you want to read the tale now that you have some new knowledge about it in order to find some new hidden meaning? If yes, you can read the original manuscript written by Carroll himself here.
What 20 Celebs Looked Like at the Start of Their Career
Celebrities are usually known for their biggest successful works, but most of them stepped into the entertainment world with smaller roles. A lot of them have been in the industry for so long that we’ve forgotten what they looked like when they first started. Taking a look at some of their earliest works is indeed a blast from the past.
Bright Side looks into some of the earliest works from certain actors and is amazed at how much they have grown within the industry.
1. George Clooney
2. Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson
3. Keanu Reeves
4. Brie Larson
5. Betty White
6. Leonardo DiCaprio
7. Drew Barrymore
8. Tom Hanks
9. Scarlett Johannson
10. Halle Berry
11. Harrison Ford
12. Denzel Washington
13. Reese Witherspoon
14. Angelina Jolie
15. Johnny Depp
16. Jennifer Garner
17. Robert Downey Jr.
18. Will Smith
19. Nicole Kidman
20. Sandra Bullock
Have you seen the early works of these celebrities before? Do you know what any other famous entertainers looked like when they first began their career?
14 Examples of How Perfect Photos on Social Media Can Mislead Us
Most Internet users tend to sugarcoat their lives, belongings, body shapes, etc. And Instagram is the perfect place to post these kinds of photos. It’s a world of successful, happy people who take colorful trips, make expensive purchases, and boast perfect bodies.
Bright Side found some “behind-the-scenes” photos of gorgeous shots from social media. Turns out, believing everything you see on the Internet is never a good idea.
1. A 3-minute smartphone photo session + 3 magic filters
2. The king of the road
3. It’s all about the right angle…
4. A popular festival on Instagram vs a popular festival in reality
5. Support is the real hero.
6. A dog can never spoil a shot.
7. Slightly added brightness
8. When summer starts, we see it on every other Instagram account.
9. The process of making up always finishes the same way.
10. Unicorns can be insidious.
11. Everyone wants a photo in a lavender field.
12. Bright cities in photos might not be as bright in real life.
13. Aboard a private jet
14. A fashionable breakfast
Do you edit your photos on social media to try to look better? We’d be happy to hear from you in the comments!
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